Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
