VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
