Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
