So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
