I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
