Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
