I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
