I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
