It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
