I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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