I hate your face
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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