I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Dicks are not precious.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
