no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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