I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Randomize
