I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
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