End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Randomize
