I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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