actually, I'm a sock model
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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