my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
