The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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