Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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