Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
