i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize