Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
