is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
