i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
