the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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