end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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