You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
