The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
