Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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