i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Are we still banned from the library?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
