I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
