you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
