Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I'm just crazy horny about you
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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