We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
All the doctor said was why
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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