Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
