There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
