is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
