Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You may now shotgun with the bride
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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