if only i could text you this smell
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
