either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
