I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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