I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
