I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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