So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
