The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
