I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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