Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
