so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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