she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
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