I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Watching her eat just hurts me
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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