she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
